If I suddenly disappear.....

...you can find me building a tree house deep in the mountains somewhere near a lake that has an unencumbered view of the sunset. 


I've been reading Walden and it has left in me this residual puddle of angst-y emotions. I suddenly want to sell everything we have and go live off the land in a little shack in Hawaii. I am wanting more juice out of life, you know? More study, more learning, more growth, a more clear perspective of why we're really here. More awareness in the present moment. And less getting caught in the quicksand of consumerism, popular culture, and of using what other people are doing as a gauge of my own success.


A little voice says simplify, simplify, simplify! And I say, yes, that sounds nice. And then I get distracted by a million things that wouldn't exist if I had heeded the voice in the first place. And not only distracted, but scared. I'm realizing that I'm taking safety and refuge in my possessions. In having a tastefully decorated home, a nice big TV and a cute couch to watch it on. I waste so much brain power thinking about what car I want to buy and will it be big enough to fit the stroller and groceries? 


And what would happen if it all just went away? Would I be able to find just as much satisfaction and joy in life if it were stripped of all of the fluff? I want to get to that point. I want my existence to be grounded in something much more solid and meaningful.


From the man himself:


Let us settle ourselves, and work and wedge our feet downward through the mud and slush of opinion, and prejudice, and tradition, and delusion, and appearance...till we come to a hard bottom and rocks in place, which we can call reality, and say, This Is, and no mistake.


So we took a little walk today. The skies were overcast and the air was wet and a symphony of crickets were chirping in full force. We chased a butterfly and snuck up on a woodpecker and guessed which birds were responsible for which happy songs. We ate apples, barefoot, overlooking a soggy marsh. And when we were done we laid on our backs, the three of us side by side, and we closed our eyes and smelled the pine trees and fresh mud. 


And I felt myself grounded in real life. Just for a minute.