creeping things

We woke up to a beautiful fog resting on the back pasture this morning. As the sun rose it went from white, to deep red, to orange sherbet. After flying south for the winter, the peacocks are back and have taken shelter in a tree outside of our window. Every few minutes they let out a piercing cry. It gives this old ranch an exotic feel, maybe because it reminds me of that resort in Mexico that had peacocks everywhere and their calling kept me up at night. I was also eight months pregnant which may have had something to do with it. After a month of perfection the weather here is starting to turn hot. When the temperature rises, the bugs come out. As evidenced last night when we (Nathan) killed three huge, hairy wolf spiders near Stella's room. Comforting.


I went to bed thinking about that principle. Heat brings out the bugs. The same is true in my life. Lately I've felt dangled over the fire of affliction and it's amazing what is crawling out of the woodworks. Bugs upon bugs upon bugs. 


I'm noticing how often I subconsciously judge people. It is so easy to judge people, isn't it? Especially when you feel like you've got a few things figured out yourself. It's like the moment I feel secure I breathe a sigh of relief, and with the next breath I'm commenting on so-and-so and how they have SO FAR TO GO.


What is up with that?


I went to a get together recently and sat back and watched all of the socializing and the present giving and the interacting. Little judgements started creeping out from the shadows. Crawling like dirty little spiders into my awareness. I acknowledged each one, identified it as an intruder - not what I think but what someone else would have me think. And then I squashed it. I went on a killing spree. I killed a big fat mama and all of her disgusting little babies. Then I swept up all of the dismembered corpses and with a deep breath sent them flying out of my brain. Out of my life.


It feels so good. Those moments when you're taking charge of your life. Taking responsibility for your existence. Cleaning house.


My favorite quote from conference: "Be kind. And be thankful that God is kind."


True that.