Photos from here
It is 3:30pm and the sun is coming through the back windows and the house is silent, except for the occasional acorn falling on the tin roof. My girl is sleeping peacefully, my husband is off bringing in the bacon, and I'm sitting here on our red chair and taking it all in.
Life is so quiet and simple and lovely. I am giving myself permission to feel this way. Just for a minute. This is a new concept for me: contentment. I have been plagued throughout my life by that insatiable little tinge of discontentment, coloring my memories, my experiences, my beliefs about myself and what I have achieved. I've come to a place in my life, into an awareness of what is really going on here and I want it to stop.
I can remember living in the South of France as a teenager and being so mad. I hated the fact that I couldn't understand anyone and I didn't know their stupid money system and trying on clothes at the store was this huge guessing game...27? 36? (Not to mention that all of the pants looked like they were made to fit an anorexic giraffe.) I was blinded by what I didn't have. I cringe now to think of all of the lovely things I missed out on. They were mine for the enjoying and I didn't want them. I wanted something I didn't have.
Such a theme in my life. How sad. It has been, by all other standards, a beautiful life.
Now, even living in this redneck town where WalMart is held up and regarded as something wonderful, and people like Nascar, and the water turns my hair orange, and roaches and spiders and ants ABOUND.... (do I sound bitter? Sorry. Still working through this)...our little life here is still charming. We have a lot of love going around in this house. We are healthy, we are fed, we are safe, we are so blessed. We have big dreams and every reason to believe that they'll come to fruition.
I'm realizing that my happiness is not my surroundings. It's not my house, my friends, that adorable outfit from Anthro, it's not my skin, my hair, our bank account or our successes. I am taking moments throughout the day to mute the inner commentary, take a deep breath and thank the Lord for my life.
3 comments:
I love this! Brookie, I'm so glad you are happy! Can you post more photos of your cute little life, so I can swoon over them in my boring cube?
You know what is amazing to me Brooke? Is that someone so beautiful, talented, spiritual, and kind with such a sweet, adorable little girl and wonderful husband could ever feel just like I do some days. Isn't it funny that no matter how many adventures and incredible experiences we have, we still have to choose to love and appreciate them and give ourselves a little credit for the great things we have done in the midst of the mundane moments and discouraging trials that come our way? The trap of "I'll be happy when..." takes us away from the happiness that is right now.
I must admit I am often jealous of your beautiful life. I know, shame on me!lol I'll go enjoy my own moment now. Nice to know we are all human :)
The trap of "I'll be happy when..." takes us away from the happiness that is right now.
Precisely. I need to tattoo that onto the backs of my eyelids. Thank you so much for the kind words!
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